turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
