do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
