Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
