Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
