my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
