And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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