I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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