I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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