So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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