All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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