but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
