I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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