I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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