can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
