I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize