She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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