The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My life is pants optional.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
