Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
