mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found the puke drawer
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
