There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
