addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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