You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
