Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
