I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
