Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
