Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
