everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
