So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
