Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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