woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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