I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
