At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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