Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
