I love black thongs
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
