wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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