apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
