So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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