WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
