I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So vagazzling was a success
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
