why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
cat food counts as protein by the way
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
