I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
