...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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