if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's the barista slut.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
