So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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