kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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