Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
