so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
