I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i will never coherently bang her
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
