Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
