He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just pee around me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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