No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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