My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
