Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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