i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
