It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
