A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
