when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
