he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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