It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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