you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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