Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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