i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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