also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
