wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
