Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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