1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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