Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
