when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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