she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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