so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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