shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
