he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
