There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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