Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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