YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
