only you would photoshop your dick
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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