Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
